ADHD in Girls: Lessons from a late diagnosis for teachers and support staff

October is ADHD Awareness Month. For many of the schools and educators we work with, supporting children and young people with ADHD is part of everyday practice. As SEND specialists, we believe that understanding each learner’s individual needs and recognising their strengths makes all the difference.

We interviewed Jamie Martinez, Send & Training Lead at Parker Smith Inclusion, who was diagnosed with ADHD (Combined Type) in 2026 about what her experience has taught her. 

Has receiving your own ADHD diagnosis changed the way you look at your work or the people you support?

In many ways, it has changed my outlook on my work. I have come to realise how much ADHD is misunderstood. When interviewing educators and discussing the students they have supported, it’s interesting to see the depth of their understanding of ADHD. It’s also really rewarding to talk with educators and provide insight through the lens of lived experience. It’s added a new layer to my commitment to SEND and education. As the SEND and Training Lead at Parker Smith Inclusion, I have considered more bespoke training in this area so we can continue to support schools.

What are some of the misconceptions about ADHD in women and girls that you’d like to see challenged?

ADHD is misunderstood in girls and women because it is still widely associated with the stereotypical image of a child in the classroom who is hyper, distracting their peers, and unable to sit still.

ADHD UK published the NHS ADHD assessments waiting list report and found that adult women are reported to be 16% more likely to have an ADHD assessment referral rejected than adult men, while girls are 11% more likely to be screened out than boys.

In girls and women, hyperactivity may not involve overt physical activity. It could be racing/intrusive thoughts, questioning themselves, seeking reassurance, constant chatter, or smaller physical actions that go unnoticed. A high number of girls and women go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for years.

I always attributed being super early for school, work, and life to just being part of my character. I have since learnt that for many people with ADHD, the panic of being late is what drives this need to be early for things. The stereotype that those with ADHD are always late isn’t true of every individual.

I want to see more research, support and education when it comes to ADHD in women and girls. Far too often, girls and women with ADHD and other disabilities like Autism are labelled as too sensitive and not trying hard enough or just lazy.

The UK diagnostic data and statistics generally align with manuals such as the DSM-5 (developed by the American Psychiatric Association). Emotional dysregulation is not officially part of the primary diagnostic criteria for ADHD; however, many ADHD individuals, clinicians and leading experts in ADHD have spoken out on this, and there has started to be a shift in self-regulation and emotional dysregulation being a core trait of ADHD.

Dr Russell Barkley, a retired leading Neuropsychologist and widely regarded ADHD expert, has been leading the conversation around self-regulation and executive functioning. He proposes that ADHD is not a disorder of attention and hyperactivity but a developmental disorder, relating to behavioural inhibition, self-regulation and executive function. "In the last 15 years or so, we've come to realise that emotional dysregulation is a key component of ADHD." - Dr. Russell Barkley.

Women and girls with ADHD experience emotional dysregulation in distinct ways, primarily because their symptoms are heavily influenced by gender-role socialisation, hormonal cycles, and internalised masking. While males with ADHD are more likely to present with externalised dysregulation, like behaviours that challenge, vocal frustration or visible irritability. Whereas in women and girls, it tends to present as internalised emotion, and it is so frequently misdiagnosed.

From your experience working in SEND, how can schools and educators better support children with ADHD, particularly those whose needs might not be immediately obvious?

One of the most important things schools and educators can do is recognise that ADHD doesn't look the same in every child, and that the pupils who appear to be coping well aren't necessarily the ones who are finding things easiest.

I think it's important for educators to look beyond the surface. A child might be quiet, achieve well academically or appear to follow instructions, but internally they could be struggling with concentration, organisation, emotional regulation or feeling overwhelmed overall. This can be particularly relevant for girls with ADHD, who may mask their difficulties to fit in, avoid drawing attention or struggle to meet the expectations placed on them. It’s about paying attention, noticing patterns and triggers and building rapport with pupils.

When I look back on my own experience in school, I was considered a ‘good pupil’. I did well academically overall and excelled in subjects that I loved and thrived in. However, at every parent’s evening, the same feedback would pop up, “Jamie could accomplish much more if she just applied herself better”.

This was especially the case with subjects I had no interest in, and I was often labelled lazy, disorganised and not trying hard enough. What may look like a lack of effort is, in fact, a struggle with executive function, rather than a lack of motivation or ability.

What’s one thing you’d like people to understand about ADHD this ADHD Awareness Month?

I can’t pick just one!

There are two key things that come to mind when understanding ADHD. There needs to be more awareness around Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and self-regulation and how they can link.

Self-regulation

Like many late-diagnosed adults, it was becoming a parent and seeing myself in my child that led me down a path of self-reflection and research.

If I ever felt stressed, overwhelmed or anxious, I had full autonomy to decide what I wanted to do. I could go read a book and get lost in a story, sit in my room and blast music and relax, or have a nice bubble bath. The moment you have a child, your free time is limited, and I realised that I couldn’t ‘self-regulate’ anymore.

I hadn’t realised that the things I enjoyed doing, that had provided me with peace, weren’t just simple pleasures and pastimes, but in fact self-regulation techniques I had developed for myself almost subconsciously.

Self-regulation is something children and adults can do for themselves without realising they’re doing it. It’s also something that individuals may need support with, to learn techniques that work for them.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is an intense or extreme and agonising emotional pain triggered by real or perceived perception of failure, criticism, or rejection. RSD affects people differently, and someone may only experience certain elements of RSD.

For myself, it comes up in areas I care about, for example, the idea of letting those I respect down. When I reflect on my time as a student, I was afraid of trying certain things, because I feared I would let people down and I feared I would fail. RSD is not exclusive to ADHD; it is highly regarded in the clinical field as closely linked to ADHD. I feel there needs to be more consideration when it comes to RSD and how it presents in ADHD pupils, and the larger impact it can have in their education.

While emotional dysregulation affects all genders, females with ADHD report higher rates of interpersonal distress, social anxiety, and deep-seated shame. The pressure that pupils with ADHD put on themselves because of fear and perception, all connect to RSD and self-regulation.

From your perspective as a late-diagnosed woman with ADHD, what qualities help SEND support staff best support pupils with ADHD, particularly girls who may mask their difficulties?

Having had time to reflect on my own school experiences and having advocated for SEND for many years, I feel the key qualities needed as a support staff member include flexibility, taking time to understand each pupil as an individual, and looking beyond surface-level behaviours.

If you have ever taught a pupil who seems bright but scattered, responsible yet disorganised, organised but makes constant mistakes, constantly changes tasks, or struggles to stay focused when it comes to tedious tasks or is considered to be ‘just fine’ at school, then perhaps that student does in fact have ADHD.

What are some examples from your own lived experience of ADHD that educators could learn from and apply when supporting pupils with similar experiences in the classroom?

Examples of traits/situations I faced as a pupil/child and young person:

• School exams: I felt far more comfortable when it came to exams; the pressure of getting something done in a controlled timeframe suited me better than coursework. Coursework seemed endless, often leading to a last-minute rush to complete it the night before it was due and ultimately resulting in a loss of points on my overall grade.
  
  
• Time management and prioritisation: I learnt very quickly that I needed to figure out how to manage my time through school and implement things that kept me on task, and learned which tasks should be completed first and so on. I often had an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ process, and most people who have ADHD need reminders and support with prioritising tasks to stay on track.
  
  
• Talkative nature: As a child, I was known to be a chatterbox. I would still describe myself as talkative. When I was younger, however, I would talk quickly and excessively and would find myself talking over people all the time. This wasn’t me being rude or inconsiderate; I just couldn’t contain myself. The fear of losing a point I wanted to make or a thought I wanted to speak about was always too much, and I would just blurt it out. This is something I still sometimes struggle with.
  
  
• Impulsivity/dopamine seeking behaviours: Most people with ADHD struggle with this; again, it can present differently. This probably explains why I have had every hair colour under the sun, one day with long black hair and the next with short, dyed red hair. In school, I would constantly change my after-school curricula because I craved finding something new and exciting that interested me and kept me engaged.
  
  
• Insomnia and sleep issues: Another aspect I personally have always struggled with is going to sleep. As a child and young adult, I really struggled with not being able to shut off my brain, relax and stop thinking.

For further information on any of the above, please contact Jamie Martinez on 0203 011 4848 or email jamie@psinclusion.co.uk